Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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