Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
