Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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