I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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