Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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