70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
