One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize