I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize
