waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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