im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
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