omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
