kristin has been a bad kristin
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
