I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
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