so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Drunk is a universal language darling
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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