I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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