I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
