it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
