so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize