his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
