ya dads aren't the best wingmen
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Is it penis luge time yet?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
