can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
