I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
