So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
