Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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