im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Randomize
