i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize