Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
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