Im at strip club and am horny
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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