Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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