He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
