well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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