ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
