its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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