my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
