I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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