porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
