i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
