i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
My vagina just recognized that song.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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