Kiss
Puke
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
