mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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