It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize