I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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