High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
My ass is underappreciated
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
