i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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