hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
