I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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