just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
