someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
