he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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