So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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