I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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