I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
