who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize