I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Boobs are out for the taking
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I see more hoeing in ur future
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
