I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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