That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
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