Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize