I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
YAS. BRING CRAB.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
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