I accidentally had phone sex last night
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
