I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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