I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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