You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
