It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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