i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Randomize
