Four minutes until I can fart!
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
