Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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