im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
