Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Randomize
