I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
