I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
It was confusing and full of hummus
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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